Step up, step out.

What feels like early evening to my head is actually close to midnight on my clock. To anyone who doesn't know what Jet lag is... I don't recommend it.
 I am here. Not in Hillsong where I thought my journey would go, but to England a much deeper-rooted place. To Ellel Pierrepont, an organization that digs to much deeper roots. The problem with Hillsong was that I was looking to do the flashy thing, the big thing, the school with two campuses and a thousand students who will all (obviously) become something big and important simply by being at that place. That was what I wanted, and that is why I'm here at Ellel. This is not a huge organization. There is nothing flashy about it. Ellel is known, by the few people that know it, for spiritual surgery, similar to physical surgery because the only way to be healed properly is to be cut open, re-broken, or in some cases killed. Unfortunately in spiritual surgery you don't get knocked out, and for every step the surgeon asks you "this will hurt, but you will feel better, can I keep going?"  and you have to say yes if you want it to work, and if you don't you should be doing it.
So why am I here prepping for Spiritual surgery? Because I have been a Christian all my life and struggle with devotional times. Because I hear about people hungering for the word of God and I'm hungrier for three hours watching the "Food Network" because until lately I have been a Christian who didn't. I didn't get in trouble because I didn't in general, I'm glad I didn't get in trouble, as are my parents, but I still didn't. It's not the best way to live, I don't think it is living.
That's why I'm here, writing this blog at 12 where it feels like 5 and telling my readers about spiritual surgery, it's more important to God that Peter stepped out of the boat and sunk then that the other 11 stayed in it and didn't (I'm not God so that could be totally off base). This is a step for me, a timid step. A step where I say "God, I'm sorry, I've been comatose, I don't read my Bible a lot and I know I don't pray like you heal people. Here I am, catch me if I fall!" And I take this step because I know he will.
I preacher I heard once said (I haven't seen this in the Bible directly so it warrants further investigation) that we sin by action and by inaction. Not doing is as bad as screwing up; so not doing is not the answer I'm looking for anymore... how about you?